CANNIBALISM IN THE PURSUIT OF LIBERTY IS NO VICE

  

POLITICIANS DISAGREE ABOUT SYRIA INTERVENTION

From JSwift News Service 

The Free Syrian Army (FSA) has recently received much military aid from the U.S. due to strong support from both democratic and republican politicians.  One of their most politically influential advocates is Senator John D. McNutt (R-Ga).

     McNutt held a press conference Tuesday where he welcomed questions from assembled reporters and the audience.  When asked about the FSA’s imposing Sharia Law in territories it conquered McNutt responded:

     “Yes, I’m aware of that, but I think this is just a temporary thing.  What I mean is that we’re sending the FSA Bibles,  along with machine guns.  I think the FSA will see the light and become Christians.  Then the only laws they’ll impose will relate to making Syria a religious country that follows Jesus.

     McNutt continued, “I know that you reporters are going to bring up this disturbing video where a twelve-year-old child is forced by the FSA to cut off the head of a Syrian commander.  But, look, these are immoral tough guys but they are our immoral tough guys.  In the long run, they’re just like the American pioneers who killed the Indians,  learned to scalp them, so that we could become the land of the free, where if you work hard and play by the rules you'll be a success and a credit to the homeland."

     The press conference became more heated when a reporter from the Wonkette Free Press asked the Senator if  the FSA, whom he strongly supports,  isn’t  affiliated with Jabhat al-Nusra who, in turn, is affiliated with al-Qudea.  "Why would the U.S. try to exterminate al-Qudea with drones in Pakistan but make them our allies in Syria," asked the reporter.

     At this point Senator McNutt lost his temper and hurled expletives at her.

     “I’ve never seen or heard that in our Senate intelligence briefings.  And you know how sharp the CIA and other agencies are when it comes to having a stupendous understanding of matters in the Middle East."

 "Who in hell is the Wonkette Free Press and how did you get in here?” queried Senator McNutt of the reporter.

      “ How an un-American person like you  wasn’t stopped at the door is beyond me.  Take this woman out of here” he demanded.

     McNutt went on to say that, besides the FSA, his favorite rebels are led by Abu Sakkar, who cut out the heart of a dead enemy soldier and ate it.  “Now there’s a guy who can put the fear of God into Assad,” said the Senator from Arizona. 

     “Cannibalism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice,"  McNutt concluded.

     In other news, Rep. Peter Wishey, a moderate republican from Kansas was roundly booed by a Tea Party dominated crowd in the city of Broken Urinal.


     Wishey said the it might be the case that the Republican Party was becoming too isolationist.  He  asked the assembled group that, if the United States didn’t promote freedom around the world, what country would? "I know most of you don't more foreign involvement by our military but I'm confused about this and I need the input of you good Broken Urinal citizens" stated the Congressman.

     You’re done, we’ll primary you,” shouted a man from the back of the room who wore an Uncle Sam hat. The group soon broke into a chant of “Rand Paul, Rand Paul…”  "No interventions abroad!," yelled a rotund lady.  "Thou shall not kill," screamed an elderly man.  "Well, I wouldn't go that far,"said the Uncle Sam hat wearing man  to the senior citizen.

      McNutt, who says he wants a “more robust” intervention in Syria, and the Tea Party isolationists are symbols of a divided America.   At this point in time, public opinion polls indicate that a large majority of Americans oppose a more extensive U.S. involvement in Syria.  Since the U.S. government's policies rarely take into account the public's wishes on major issues,  it seems probable that more American involvement in Syria can be predicted.

     To provide perspective on the Syrian situation,  polls indicate that 87% of Americans can’t find Syria on the map and 74% cannot define the term “Middle East.”  Too, over 85% do not know how Islam is similar to or differs from Judaism

     Finally, Christine Hammell, a housewife and mother in North Carolina provided some insight to the mind of the undecided voter on the Syrian issue.


    When asked what she thought should be the United States' course of action in Syria,  she stated that she wished she knew more about world affairs,  that America is the land of the free, that you can’t ever trust"any of them scumbag politician's" to do the right thing,  and that she would leave the decision to fight or not fight wars to the President and Congress. 

     When questioned if she had ever heard of the Free Syrian Army she responded,  “ No, but if they're pro-life and anti-evolution then I’m for them. Otherwise, they’re Un-American.” 

Copyrighted Keith Shirey.  May not be reproduced in any way without permission of the author.  Go to comment section of this post, ask for permission and it will be granted.